That aside, I really wonder when the letter will arrive. I really want to go to Japan... I want to see what changed Kiri, what changed our friendship. It hurts, but I want to know. Also, that is a place where technology is so advanced and walking on the streets feel like an unofficial fashion show. I'd say the pressure is pretty heavy.
I've been feeling more and more like a wanderer, walking aimlessly, restless yet not wanting to do a single thing. I know that a student like me should study, but I ... haven't been able to push myself. To give myself a boost, to stand up on my own. I probably should do it soon, seeing as the major exams are coming soon. Note: SPM in a year. Or worse, the year end examinations. If I fail anymore subjects, my dad would probably blow a vein. Lol, I kid. I want him to live. It's just that... I don't... I just don't know what is what anymore. It's just so...confusing. Can't bring myself to sort things out too. Screw it then. Who cares?
On the other hand, why do teenagers have to be in a relationship? Why must girls be in love, or have a boy to crush on? Is it a necessity in this world? Do we need the additional troubles that come with being in a relationship? How is it possible to love another when we can't even take care of OURSELVES? Humans are foolish, very much so.
My exams are coming, but my butt is firmly planted on the chair. My eyes glued to the screen, watching or reading whatever is on the internet. I sound like I have no life, isn't it? Then I guess I don't. You know, there are times when I just look at a knife, and I shiver in excitement. My fingers want to wrap around the handle, soak in all the gleam and place it across my wrist. And maybe, just maybe, it would slide across the wrist, leaving a clean-cut wound, crimson red liquid coming out in buckets. But then again, it would hurt. And I would end up in hell. So it's all my imagination. Imagination is but a figment of our creative minds. Thus, I'm still very much alive, thank you very much.
I can't help wondering... Wondering how it feels like to have no trouble in the world, to have perfect lovey-dovey parents, and loads of money. It'd be great if this was a perfect world. But we don't live in one. There IS no perfect world. As the saying goes, the world is imperfect, thus it is beautiful. I couldn't agree more...
